Unbeaten but unspectacular
Plus Humbug, reviews of A Sherlock Carol and the High Span, our weekly events guide, and more
Gillingham FC got through November without tasting defeat, even if the performances didn’t always match the results. In his latest column, Ben Hopkins breaks down a month that hinted at improvement without quite delivering the spark. Further down, we have a mix of festive theatre, live music, HUMBUG, and a busy Medway events calendar as we roll into December.
Unbeaten but unspectacular
The long dark nights and autumnal gloom of November always leaves me thinking: let’s just get it out of the way and look forward to better times in December. Which also seems to have been the outcome for Gillingham’s fortunes this month - unbeaten but unspectacular. Hopefully, things will step up a gear before the year is done. Ben Hopkins returns for his monthly column on Gillingham FC…
Gareth Ainsworth is fighting fit
November started away to Bristol Rovers, where delays and boredom led to a flurry of Gills chants before our train had even reached Bath. But spirits were high before kick-off, with old favourite Mark Saunders drinking with the away contingent. More importantly, manager Gareth Ainsworth was back following heart surgery - albeit watching far above the action from the gantry of the West Stand.
A 1-0 win left the 1000+ Gills following happy, and sparked hopes that Ainsworth’s return would reverse the dubious form that had permeated during his absence. As it turned out, the month’s return of a win and three draws was… basically fine. Six points from four games extrapolated over an entire season would give Gills a total of 69 - a tally that would normally be just too little to make the play-offs.
Eat my goal!
January 2025 saw Gillingham score just twice - both own goals, therefore making for a notorious Goal of the Month contest. November, by contrast, saw three clear contenders. At Bristol, Max Clark emerged into space on the left-wing to hit a screaming half-volley from just outside the penalty box to score the only goal of the game, before boxing the air in celebration like he’d just spotted his worst enemy at the back of the away stand.
A challenger emerged the following Saturday at home to Crawley. Ainsworth loves a cheeky set-piece routine practised in training, and that resulted in Gills’ opening goal. Clark’s corner veered away from goal, where Crawley appeared to have forgotten that Bradley Dack existed, giving him the space to fire home.
At home to Barnet, Dack and Clark debated who should take a free-kick 25 yards from goal with seconds left before half-time. I wanted Clark to strike it, so naturally Dack struck a precise, curling shot into the upper corner of the net to prompt surprised celebrations amongst the Rainham End fans who hadn’t yet disappeared to the bar.
Cracks in the defence
Last month, I bemoaned an injury to first-choice ‘keeper Glenn Morris, and almost immediately, deputy Jake Turner was the hero of the day with a wonderful late save to maintain the Bristol Rovers win. But later in the month at Shrewsbury, Turner should’ve done better: a miscued shot trickling into the net at the slowest speed imaginable - a classic Gills concession. It’s a situation which has been a minor concern all summer. In his fourth season at the club, Turner doesn’t look like becoming an automatic first choice. And as strong as he has been, Morris will be 42 years old in a fortnight - long past the stage where a goalkeeper might be expected to decline or see previously minor injuries linger.
With three Shrewsbury goals, evidence that the defence is struggling, and the remaining back-up, loanee Travis Akomeah, only on the fringes of the squad, the return of Andy Smith and/or Conor Masterson would be very welcome.
A tale of three penalties
Clark’s wonder goal at Bristol Rovers redeemed his earlier poor penalty - he struck the shot so centrally that the Rovers’ goalkeeper barely had to move to make the save. So it was no surprise when penalty duties reverted to Robbie McKenzie, who converted at home to Crawley after Clark’s attempt to repeat his Bristol heroics was thwarted by a handball. McKenzie then scored another away to Shrewsbury, awarded after a foul from a corner in very similar circumstances to the situation that led to Clark’s miss at Bristol.
Strikers? Goals? Chance would be a fine thing
Every column and indeed every match day, I’ll question who is going to score the goals for Gills to have a decent season. And as the season nears the halfway mark, I’m still not sure. Seb Palmer-Houlden came close when a pinpoint cross from Garath McCleary led to panic in the Shrewsbury defence, an own goal their only option to attempt to stop Palmer-Houlden from scoring himself. And with time running out, another sensational McCleary cross gave Elliot Nevitt just enough space to head home - his second late equaliser of the season. Otherwise, Josh Andrews and Sam Vokes? Both a pain to play against, but haven’t got going on the scoring front. Marcus Wyllie? Probably needs to step down a level to get a chance to prove he can make it in the league.
Gillingham have scored 26 league goals this season, but only 30% of them have come from strikers - while Dack, Clark and Armani Little combined have almost half of the total between them. Perhaps McCleary’s service can make a (very, very long-awaited) difference.
Next up: Dec 6 - Colchester away, Dec 13 - Barrow home, Dec 20 - Fleetwood away, Dec 26 - Cambridge home, Dec 29 - Colchester home.
Review: A Sherlock Carol at Medway Little Theatre
Warning: May contain spoilers.
As opening lines go, “Moriarty was dead to begin with” bears repeating and neatly sets up the tone and style of this Dickens Vs Conan Doyle Christmas mystery mash-up. Ebenezer Scrooge is dead, foul play is suspected, and a disaffected Sherlock Holmes is haunted by Moriarty and mourning the loss of a worthy adversary. The script combines verbatim snatches of both revered authors, whilst affectionately subverting preconceptions and the cast has huge fun with this. The ensemble works effectively together; gathering as carol singers, conveying the busy mingling of the crowded streets of London, or speaking in unison to reinforce the ghostly elements of the story. One of the deft twists of the plot is that the Countess of Morcar, aka Irene Adler, is a love interest of both Scrooge and Holmes. Melody de Lorme gets to shine in a glorious music hall number and carries much of the explication linking the death of Scrooge, a missing will and a jewel theft. Her appealing performance blends knowing charm and vivacity, adding to the overall fun of the show. Mike Dickinson, as Sherlock Holmes, is the only performer to play a single role throughout the entire production. He starts off without any of the paraphernalia associated with the consulting detective, wild-eyed and tormented by the spirit of Moriarty, proclaiming “Bah!” to all who wish him a Happy Christmas, encourage him to believe in spirits, or attempt to engage his services. As the play progresses, he gradually assumes the costume of Scrooge himself until the two characters are united to view the past, present and future and (hoorah!) Holmes is convinced to solve the case. Dickinson becomes increasingly animated, shamelessly playing to the crowd and actively enjoying the fluffed lines which proliferate in the second half. This hilarity is infectious and spreads to the full house audience.
Barry Kearns is impressive in his multiple roles, lending a reserved dignity (to begin with) to John Watson, switching to a Dublin accent for inebriate candlemaker Henry Burke and then to spivvy chancer Joe Brackenridge. A pub scene allows Hania Simons to briefly become a tartan clad whirlwind reminiscent of Blackadder’s Mrs Miggins before she returns to the role of moustachioed and wilfully incompetent Inspector Lestrade. Tiny Tim is all grown up and Glen Morris plays him as a foil to Dickinson’s frenetic Holmes and then gets to revel in the role of a snivelling Ralph Fezziwig. The costumes are as authentic as any that will be on display at The Dickens Festival this weekend. The reveal that John Watson was the young boy who was sent to fetch the prize turkey and deliver it to the Cratchits is perfectly pitched, with Geoff Coote’s Scrooge appearing from an upstairs window to recreate this infamous scene to brilliant effect. Even if Watson then goes on to almost miss the opportunity to bestow a deerstalker on the revivified Holmes, everyone is genuinely amused by the resolution of the plot. As an alternative to panto or any of the other iterations of A Christmas Carol, this show is cleverer than you think it is going to be, but has just the right amount of festive silliness. - Moira Mehaffey
It’s HUMBUG!
Nucleus Arts’ HUMBUG, one of the great festive events, is back this Saturday from 11am until 4pm at the Halpern Gallery in Chatham as part of the Winter Open, which runs until Christmas. The latest in a series of events that support local artists, The Halpern Unique Maker’s Bazaar of Uncommon Gifts is an annual curated pop-up featuring affordable, unique artist-made items perfect for gifts.
The Winter Open is the Halpern Gallery open call exhibition, featuring 60 artists. They’ve all been invited to bring items they think would make lovely presents or more affordable objects, which will be available for sale on Saturday. Genevieve Tullberg and team will be on hand for their excellent wrapping skills.
A special edition of Nucleus’ regular Lego and Art club will be running alongside the event, for all ages 4+, where artists will encourage kids to get creative, whilst their parents can explore the gallery. More details here.
Review: The High Span and The Dutch Embassy at Rochester Social Club
Stepping out from behind the bass he usually plays in These Guilty Men and South Shore, Nick Rice emerges as an assured and skilful vocalist and lead guitarist for The Dutch Embassy. The set list largely follows the track listing for their debut album Lighting the Beacons, opening with the enigmatic indie pop of ‘The CFG,’ which allows Nick’s vocals to combine with Noeleen’s, who has blossomed into a performer who matches and complements the power of his range. On ‘You Can’t Take the Best Away From Me,’ she performs an impressive whistling solo in lieu of the harmonica usually added by Stuart Turner, who tonight is capably deputising on bass. The diversity of sounds and influences on display, from the R&B of ‘Trample on Me’ and the smooth Style Council flavoured ‘People Every Day,’ is largely due to Nick’s ear for melody, driven by his mellifluous lead guitar and ability to turn a catchy chorus. Nick has a happy accident when he knocks the wrong pedal towards the end of ‘All With You,’ but this only adds even more depth to an already taut, muscular break-up song. Jimmy Moore, in his first of two back-to-back sets on drums, drives everyone supportively, while never overpowering the vocal performances.
Headliners The High Span are here to launch their splendidly titled second album, Blithering. The glittery golden curtain backdrop to the stage is in keeping with their twangy showbiz sensibility, whilst also being pleasingly at odds with their air of very English urbanity. Frontman Kevin Younger has no succinct description for their sound. These are pop songs without mission or agenda, often viewing life from the angles that other songwriters ignore or just never reach. ‘Phantom Limb’ is a case in point, using the extended metaphor of amputation to explore the emotional impact of a failed relationship in disarmingly beguiling style. ‘Ambrosine,’ featuring the guest ukulele of Dave Read and sweet backing vocals of Sarah Post, is a fine example of the band’s more twee retro side, while ‘Crying Eyes’ has a surprising hint of early Cure in live performance, showing the sharp edges of these musical magpies. Mark Aitken’s bass becomes the lead instrument, consistently driving euphony in songs, with Kevin sprinkling jangling post-punk guitar on top and Jimmy Moore adding a lounge beat on drums. The DIY aesthetic and spirit of the band carries over to the merchandise stand, where a rainbow of hand-printed t-shirts and tote bags is available. It’s a busy night in the venue, with an amiable crowd who raise a heartfelt cheer for Irene, Kevin’s mum, who has helped to fund the production of the record. The set closes with fan favourite ‘Nee Naw,’ at the punkier end of the repertoire in both subject matter and sound and leaving everyone with a real buzz from this quirky and affable band. - Moira Mehaffey
Steven needs your help with the Medway Element
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Events this week
🎭 4 - 13 Dec - The Sherlock Carol // Sherlock Holmes is approached by Dr ‘Tiny’ Tim Cratchit to investigate the death of Ebeneezer Scrooge. Medway Little Theatre, Rochester. Tickets £12.
🤶 Sat 6 Dec - HUMBUG // A festive celebration of The Halpern Gallery Winter Open and more. Halpern Gallery, Chatham. Free.
🍿 Mon 8 Dec - Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair // With a running time of just 4 hours and 35 mins, new content includes an animated sequence and restored scenes. Odeon, Chatham. Tickets from £6.50.
💬 Wed 10 Dec - Big Trouble’s Xmas Special // Quarterly spoken word poetry open mic night with some Christmas treats. Rams Micropub 12 Degrees, Rochester. Free.
🍿 Fri 12 Dec - The Shining (45th anniversary) // All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy in Kubrick’s classic adaptation of Stephen King's horror about trying to write with an annoying family. Odeon, Chatham. Tickets from £12.50.
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