Looking into the Chatham Pocket

The new year is often a time for nostalgia. Sat here in Local Authority towers, it seemed a good time to cover something that not everybody will be aware of which also sets the tone for the year ahead. It’s time to discuss the Chatham Pocket.

But what is the Chatham Pocket?

For the uninitiated in apparent Medway-based slang, I was unable to find evidence of the etymology of the slang phrase so I went down a rabbit hole of sorrow and despair looking for it. And by that I, of course, mean Twitter.

The first thing I noticed is that the online reaction to this term went back seemingly no further than 2010. Why was this?

Well, that’s not providing an answer. It’s just repeating the question. The link to the exclusive clip no longer worked, though we did now have #Coppers. But what was this a clue to?

Maybe we could get help from friend of the blog, pod, Substack Al Murray.

That’s just repeating the information but with added opinion. Thanks Al, really helpful.

Further Twitter searching was actually almost helpful. ME5Records maybe had some answers. ME5 is a Chatham postcode, so this should be good.

Possibly good, I should have written. Trying to find out who ME5 Records are leads to another dead end, their social media channels are unhelpful, and they seem to show little connection to Medway. Rod Azlan is a TikTok producer, but the tweet this is referring to is deleted. So that only leaves the IamTheReferee, maybe he can help us.

Turns out he is a boxing referee! But he had no visible link to the ‘classic saying’. Though his book was in Chatham Waterstones. Maybe you can still get it?

Local band The Spartan Dreggs released a song called Chatham Pocket, and it features local treasure Billy Childish! This must be the answer. Surely something deep within these lyrics will reveal all.

Oh.

Our only hope to get on track is famous people on Twitter. Maybe Jon Ronson can help. He’s good at solving all kinds of weird mysteries like this.

Okay, so he knows what one is, but what is it, and who is Gillian?

Thanks, Sue Perkins. So Gillian McKeith has quite the Chatham Pocket apparently.

Sadly, a YouTube search for Gillian McKeith Chatham Pocket just brought up clips from I’m a Celebrity. And not the good Matt Hancock clips either. But there’s that reference to #Coppers again.

Coppers was a show on Channel 4, so surely they can help us? The episode was even called The Chatham Pocket. Alas, is no longer available to view.

Thankfully with the internet nothing is lost forever. Youtube has everything. Except this, it seems.

This is proving elusive. Surely somebody must know what a Chatham Pocket is.

Well, it’s an answer. Sadly, not a real one. The film doesn’t exist. Another dead end.

When needing an explanation about TV of the early 2000s, there’s only one person to turn to, even if they don’t know where Sittingbourne is.

Thanks, Harry.

It’s true. As Urban Dictionary sets out:

The anus. Slang term used in the Medway towns of Kent in south-east England (the Medway towns perhaps have the worst reputation of any in the county, and Chatham is definitely the least desirable of them). The term derives from the local criminals' tendency to smuggle cigarettes, lighters and drugs into the police cells, by secreting them in their anuses. Chatham criminals are so notoriously inept that the local police believe they know they will get caught, and consequently have to prepare for a stay in the cells by smuggling their home comforts in their "Chatham pocket".

by markrp October 21, 2010

Now Urban Dictionary doesn’t provide a citation for this information. If anything, it makes Wikipedia look like Encyclopedia Britannica. It does however give you an excellent, if costly, opportunity to have this information presented on a mug.

There is also this unfortunately named tote bag. ‘Sludge proof bottom’ indeed.

Remember Ian John Lewis, the referee above? We shouldn’t forget him as he is indeed pivotal to this: he’s a detention officer from the episode of #Coppers.

Urban Dictionary also provides the following illumination on Medway:

Area in Kent. Predominantley working class but there are also a fair amount of middle class people there too. Some areas should be avoided like the plague but areas like Cobham are pleasant to be in.

Person 1- Hello, my good friend, how are you today? 
Person 2- Greetings. Lovely weather we've been having in Medway today, isn't it? 
Person 3- Mate, are you faacking starting on me, blud? I'll shank ya one, innit?

by Ellie96 January 26, 2011

Now I have no idea who Ellie96 is or was in 2011. But it suggests the Gravesham village of Cobham is part of Medway, so how much can we really trust it? This ‘article’ should simultaneously go in the bin, and is a fair point. This is Medway.

There’s also this. Make sure you watch until the end. #Coppers

Footnotes

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for subscribing.

Steven Keevil is enjoying his best week of 2023, so far. He is currently recuperating from an NSFW image search for this post. He was a co-founder of The Political Medway and still manages to watch hundreds of films a year. He highly recommends The Banshees of Inisherin.

Steven listened to no music whilst writing this, other than Chatham Pocket by the Spartan Dreggs, obviously, but he recommends the following book: The Twilight World by Werner Herzog